8 Steps to Determining If Your PMDD Partner Is Really Right for You?

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Have you ever caught yourself thinking "maybe I'm just not compatible with my PMDD partner"? You're not alone. This thought pattern is the number one precursor to breakups in PMDD relationships. But what if compatibility isn't about finding someone who can "handle" your symptoms, but rather someone who adds value to your authentic life?

From my balcony in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, I'm sharing the exact framework I use with my private clients who are questioning their relationship compatibility. These eight simple steps will help you discover what you truly need in a PMDD relationship—beyond what society, family, or even your current partner might suggest.

The journey begins with a radical shift in perspective: instead of focusing on what kind of partner you need, first determine what kind of life you want to live. I walk you through creating a vision of your most authentic daily life, from morning routines that manage PMDD symptoms to evening rituals that honor your natural rhythms. Only after establishing this foundation can you identify how a partner would genuinely add value.

For me, compatibility isn't about finding someone who pays my bills or tolerates my luteal phase behaviors. It's about finding a companion who adds to my core values of freedom, peace, and joy—someone financially stable enough to travel alongside me, calm enough to ground my energy, and spiritually aligned with my authentic self.

This episode offers practical insights whether you're currently in a relationship or navigating the dating world with PMDD. You'll learn how to communicate your needs effectively, identify potential resentments before they take root, and recognize when you're compromising too much of yourself versus making necessary accommodations.

Ready to discover if you're truly incompatible with your partner or simply haven't found the right framework for your relationship? Tune in now and transform how you approach compatibility in your PMDD relationships.

Transcript

Questioning PMDD Relationship Compatibility

Speaker 1 0:01

Today I am coming to you live from Cabo San Lucas, mexico. I'm still here and I was just working with a client and I really wanted to take you through a tool that I use for a lot of my clients who are really convincing themselves that I'm not compatible with my PMDD partner. This is the number one thing that PMDD partners and sufferers say when they're about to be on the verge of a breakup I'm not compatible, we shouldn't be together. Maybe they should be with someone else. Maybe they should be with someone who doesn't do this. Maybe they should be with someone who doesn't do that. And I've been in that place so often where I was questioning. Maybe I'm just with the wrong PMDD partner. Maybe what I'm asked for is too much, because it did feel like it was too much. It was like I keep asking for the same thing on repeat again and again and again. Maybe they just don't have what it is that I want. So I should stop squeezing the tube of toothpaste and folding it over and trying to get more out of the relationship, when this may not be the person for me. Pmdd aside, maybe this just isn't the person that can handle me during my luteal phase, and by handle. I don't mean that they're getting run over and that their needs aren't met, but just the way that I operate within my luteal phase is not in alignment with what it is that they can deal with, and this has been one of the reasons for the majority of my PMDD breakups that I've had personally. It's not that they don't like me as a person, love me as a person. It's when I get in my luteal phase, the way that I show up is not conducive to what it is that they want and need out of their life, and so I end up in this situation where I'm trying to conform to a different version of myself in order to prove that I can be in their world during my luteal phase and then ovulation and my follicular phase and menstruation, all of these things.

Speaker 1 2:19

But what I've noticed the most is that you have to be authentic. You can't fake it. You know that phrase. It's like fake it till you make it. I don't think that that specifically is designed for relationships. I think it's a lot of things like if you're working in corporate or you're working in a job and you feel like you don't have enough confidence to do a certain position, like, yeah, maybe you have to pump yourself up and be a different version of yourself until you gain the amount of confidence. But when it comes to a relationship where you're supposed to be able to let your guard down, where you're supposed to be able to be the most authentic version of yourself, faking it till you make it is almost going to make you bitter, because you're going to begin to think about the only reason that I'm not able to be myself in this relationship is because of you. The only reason that I'm not able to be fully myself is because of you, because you can't handle the true version of who I am. And I've been in that situation and I have.

Speaker 1 3:25

It didn't start off as resentment. It didn't start off as like, oh, I'm resenting you because you're not allowing me to be my true self. It started off as I'm doing this because I love them, because I care about them, because this is my job as their partner, as their PMDD partner. And then, eventually, when I got burnt out, I started to point the finger and, like you're, the reason, whether it was internally or externally, I was like you're, the reason why I'm not able to really be myself is because I can't be myself. And it be okay with you. And when I recognize that I'm like, wait a minute, how is this the right person If I'm literally saying I can't be myself and you'd be okay with it?

Speaker 1 4:17

So I'm going to go over with you one of the things that I was working with my private client and I taught her during a session. I did her and her partner separately. So I have this package, one of my most popular packages, and that is the PMDD Partners Pyramid Package. This is when I have one private session with you and one private session with your partner and then I give you the tools on a joint session together. So it's three sessions total 90 minutes. But if you know, you're my private client if it goes a little bit over 90 minutes.

Speaker 1 4:53

I've been on private sessions with clients for two hours and it's all included, because I will never leave you in that place of like oh my gosh, what am I going to do now? We didn't have enough time to close this up. I've dealt with so many over the years. I've dealt with so many counselors, psychologists, all of these people where I feel like by the time they started the clock and they were done, I was just getting started. So this is the surprise that a lot of my private clients have when they're like, oh, your sessions are 90 minutes. Surprise that a lot of my private clients have when they're like, oh, your sessions are 90 minutes.

Speaker 1 5:30

I'm like, yes, because it takes that amount of time to really understand what it is that you're going through and to be able to give you the customized tools. Like 30 minutes, 45 minutes an hour is not going to be able to do that. So I'm not going to have you invest in getting some kind of changes in your PNVD relationship and then, before you know it, you started and then you stopped and you're still in the same place. Like I never leave you in the same place, even if we uncover a lot of things within our session. That means you need a follow-up session to kind of close everything off, which is why I'm leaning more towards only having the monthly sessions, because it's never just about one thing and a lot of times, just one session is just uncovering the things that we really need to work on.

Speaker 1 6:17

So I'm going to talk to you today about the eight simple steps to discovering your desired P&DD partner. So what I first want to say is, if you're listening to this and you're already with a partner, which the majority of you are. This doesn't mean that you need to break up with your partner. It doesn't mean that you need to be with a different person. It just means that you have more clarity into what it is that you actually need within your PMDD relationship. So one of the things that I really want you to think about and this happens for me most often when I'm traveling and I'm on vacation, like I'm right now, I'm sitting on the balcony in Mexico and I felt led, after dealing with a client, to talk to you about this is what kind of life and if you're taking notes, really write this down, because this is going to help you.

The Importance of Authenticity in Relationships

Speaker 1 7:12

If you journal and if you don't journal, I know it's really like ooh, like journal, like it seems like this, like Zen thing that maybe it's not your thing, but the reason why I say journal is because you can refer to it later on and it's really going to help you. And I don't care what the journaling looks like, even if it's bullet format, if you scribble it, if you draw it like I'm not about putting you in a box whatever way that you want to journal just go ahead and do that, because I want you to write down these questions. This actual episode is almost like free counseling for you, because it's what I would do if you came to me and said that you're really not compatible with your PMDD partner. I would ask you these questions and we would go in depth with it. If you want a private session monthly to be able to discover this, we can work through that, because what I do is I uncover, I understand and then I start giving you the tools. So the first question that I really want to ask you right now is what kind of life you want to live.

Speaker 1 8:24

And when I was really thinking about my life because I've been working in my corporate career for a billion years, it seems, and I have so many careers and I'm just thinking about slowing down, not in a sense of not working, but just having my work look different. So so many times we think about retirement, we're like, oh, I'm going to retire and do nothing. I don't believe that that is the. I think people think that that's the goal because they're like, oh, I just want to stop doing all the things, but I think, at the end of the day, we all want to do something that is purposeful. We all want to take our gift and be purposeful with it, whether you're providing services to other people or you just want to like. You know, like I, have a client that's an artist and it's the most beautiful thing, because they go into these remote places, they create this art and they see the joy that comes on the other person's face or with messages and you know reviews of how their art, how something that they enjoy, provides value to other people. So that's my thing about never truly retiring, switch gears into what your work looks like.

Speaker 1 9:43

But I just said, when I asked my client this question and even myself, it is it is what kind of life do I want to live? What kind of life? And that was my, that was my maid in the background, if you're watching this on YouTube, in Love with TMVD. She just came in the back, started, which I love, they're so sweet. But asking yourself, what kind of life do you want to live? And when I say what kind of life, it's like, describe it. Have a life that is freedom, peace, joy. I want to live a life where I'm able to pour into myself first thing in the morning. My mornings are sacred and I want to be able to live a life where I don't have to sacrifice that in order to be with another person, in order to do anything else that's of service to someone else. I don't want to feel like I'm sacrificing that, because I know that I'm at my best. I'm genuinely at my best when I am having my morning routine, which I've talked about forever, and then I'm able to pour into other people.

Speaker 1 11:03

Here on this trip, I have been answering emails early in the morning because of the time difference and I have felt the difference. I opened up my laptop two days ago and I started working and I didn't stop. I literally worked for four hours by opening up one email from a client and started doing this and responding. Next thing, you know, it was the afternoon and I was just in this place of like. I don't want to feel like this because I feel like I was being robbed of my morning routine. I felt this level of resentment and I noticed a lot of clients feel this when they know the things when they're coming into a relationship and they know the things that make them feel their best and their partner doesn't allow them to do it. There's a level of bitterness and resentment that you cannot erase. And I and I, it's like this thing where it's like, oh, it could be an evening routine. So I'm big on morning routines because I've done my sleep prototype. I'm a lion, I'm best in the morning.

Speaker 1 12:08

My daughter is a bear, she's best with hibernating in the mornings. So I let her. She's in the back. It's like 1.30 PM and she's not left her room. Granted, she is a teenager she's turning 16 next month but I don't require her to operate outside of what is most authentic and natural for her. This is one of the reasons why I've been homeschooling her for the past. Let's see six, seven, eight, nine, 11. I'm not the best at math, I'm good with words. So six years, six years I've been homeschooling her because we travel a lot and I've allowed her to work on her own schedule, because I know if this was a traditional school, I'll be like up in the morning, you need to do this, this, this, and she would be suffering through it.

Speaker 1 12:58

And I grew up in an environment where it's like I had to do what my parents said, no matter what. It didn't matter how I felt, and there was a lot of resentment towards that, because I felt like my parents really didn't check in on me, see how I was feeling. I felt like sometimes they didn't really care about me as a person. They cared about the grades that I got, they cared about the accolades that I got, they cared about what I was doing for them, how I was providing for them, like as far as like chores and stuff, but they didn't really say, like, how are you feeling this morning? Like, how did you sleep? Like a lot of those questions didn't happen and if they did, they were very robotic. It's like how did you sleep? Was that good? And then that was it. And they felt like they checked the box. And I'm not saying anything about them because I feel like they were doing the best that they could with the information that they had.

Speaker 1 13:48

But for me, being a psychologist and having all of this information, I didn't want to raise my child in that fight or flight, in that people pleasing mode. Because when you're raising your child to just live a life that you're dictating that they live, it's very much. You're raising a child to just live a life that you're dictating that they live, it's very much. You're raising a people pleaser Like. This is not even the way that I was, like you know, wanting this episode to go in a sense of like intentionality. But it's coming out and it's natural and it's authentic. But I want you to know if you are raising a child and saying things absolutely have to be this way and they have to be so rigid, you're raising a people pleaser because they're feeling like, in order to get your love, they have to do all of these things.

Eight Steps to Finding Your Desired Partner

Speaker 1 14:34

So one of the first step of the eight simple steps to discovering your desired PMDD partner is what kind of life do you want to live? I'm not talking about the partner. A lot of times when people are thinking about what kind of life do you want to live, I'm not talking about the partner. A lot of times when people are thinking about what kind of partner they want to have, they're thinking that all of the information has to be on the other person. It all starts with you. What kind of life do you want to live? What kind of life do you want to have personally? And if you don't discover that, if you haven't discovered what kind of life that you want to have personally, and if you don't discover that, if you haven't discovered what kind of life that you want to live. That's probably one of the first steps that you will take with me as a private client, because so many times you're in this mode of thinking that, in order to be with a partner, that it has to be what they want. How can I be this way for this partner? What is it that they desire? How can I do all these things for them? You're putting the focus on your partner and you're taking away the focus on yourself. You are the common denominator on whether this relationship is going to last or whether it's going to fail. So I want you to be very open and honest with yourself and really ask yourself what kind of life do you want to live and describe it.

Speaker 1 15:49

So the next step is describe a day in the life of what living your most authentic version of yourself looks like. Start with the morning. What do you want your mornings to look like? Do you want slow mornings? Do you want to be able to get up and just not have to answer emails, not have to answer your phone, not have to talk to anyone? Maybe you want to be very introverted in the morning and you don't want to have to get a lot of the tasks done and you just want to glide through your morning. Or maybe you want to be one of those individuals like I am where you're in the morning, you want to get everything done so that when you relax in the afternoon and the evening, you don't have to worry about. Oh my gosh, I have to stop my relaxation and do this or I have to do this. Ask yourself what does a day in the life look like Morning, afternoon and evening? Now, afternoons for me are kind of like the stopping point.

Speaker 1 16:43

Ideally, if I was doing a lot of my work, I would prefer to do it in the morning, finish with my morning routine, then deal with clients and then, towards the evening, I would relax, I would do an activity, I would do something that I enjoy, I would do something that would re-energize me, but with other people. So my morning routine has always predominantly been alone. I've been by myself, because I'm not projecting the way I want my mornings, the way my partner wants my mornings. Maybe my partner doesn't want to have a fast morning. Maybe they want to lay in the bed. Partner doesn't want to have a fast morning. Maybe they want to lay in the bed, you know, maybe they want to be one of those people that just like sleep a lot. I don't want to make my partner have to do anything. That's out of alignment with who they are.

Speaker 1 17:32

And I think a lot of times when I've gotten in relationships they've seen my routines because I have a very traditional like not traditional. I have a very traditional like not traditional. I have a very routine morning routine Like it's. It doesn't really much change. My afternoons and my evenings are the ways that I have this flexibility. So I feel like a lot of times when I've gotten with partners they're like oh, she gets up early in the morning, so she wants me to get up early in the morning. No, I want you to do what's most authentic for you. One of the things that don't change with every phase of my cycle is my morning routine. It doesn't matter if I'm in my luteal phase, if I'm in my follicular phase. My ovulation, my menstruation, it looks different. My menstruation, it looks different, but there's always a routine. It's my way of taking charge over my day before it takes over me.

Speaker 1 18:27

I lived a life years ago where I would wake up in the morning and think about how I felt and then that would create my day, and that was horrible. It was horrible because a lot of times I would get up in the morning with PMDD symptoms and it would be like I have anxiety, I have depression, I have misophonia, sensitivity to noise, I don't want to be around other people, I'm overstimulated people. I'm overstimulated, I feel horrible. And so I leaned into the way that I felt, and for me, my PMDD symptoms are the highest in the morning. So I need to make sure that I'm managing my symptoms first thing in the morning, because otherwise I would be stuck in my bed all day. I could see it. I could see it years ago, when I didn't do my morning routine. I would sit in the bed, feel all of the symptoms, feel all of the feelings, go down a rabbit hole, live out my past, trauma, all of these things, and I just I felt horrible. I felt horrible. I was just in this place of not being able to dig myself out of something that I had already leaned into. Like I leaned into the negative feelings, I leaned into the depression, I leaned into the anxiety, and then I was like no, no, no, no, no, I don't like this, I don't like this. But when I went to dig myself out of it. I had been in it for so long that it was so hard for me and I said I now know this about myself. I could not allow myself to go off of how I feel in the morning because it will take me down and get rid of my entire day. So that's the second step.

Speaker 1 20:16

What is a day in the life of your most authentic version of yourself Like, if you can live it out? So I said for me I would do my morning routine, which is I get up, I pray, I move my body, I spend time in nature, I go for a walk. I don't journal in the morning, I don't do it. I don't do it in the morning because it's like I have so many random like I'm just not there yet, I'm not calm enough to do it. And then, after I finish working out, a nice shower, or even a shower and a bath, and then my morning routine is over and I'm ready to pour into the world. And then by afternoon, after I spend time pouring into the world for a couple of hours, maybe I'll have client sessions, maybe I'll report a podcast, like I'm doing right now during my afternoon.

Speaker 1 21:05

It's presently like 2 pm here. She's been awake, but she's been in her room. She's probably drawing. She's an artist. She does a lot of anime, japanese anime. So she's probably been in her room drawing, which is her creative, pointing routine. She gets up, she has an idea of something and she immediately goes into drawing. She'll do that.

Speaker 1 21:37

We'll get up, we'll go eat Afterwards. We'll do that. We'll get up, we'll go eat, um. Afterwards we'll do something adventurous and then we'll get into schoolwork. Our schoolwork is mostly done in the evenings, which for most parents is like diabolical. It's like, oh my gosh, like your child does her schoolwork in the evenings. I'm like, yeah, that's when her brain is absorbing most of the energy and the actual knowledge. I never want my child to just do like, oh, I'm just learning this just to get a grade and then I'm going to find out. No, I want you to be learning at a time where you're absorbing all the things. And then after that, we'll go to dinner. We'll hear we'll go to the hot tub, we'll talk about life, like we'll have all of these life conversations about her and her friends, all of the things. And then we'll talk about life like we'll have all of these life conversations about her and her friends, all of the things, and then, um, we'll go back to our corners of doing what it is that we want to do, and that'll be my day.

Speaker 1 22:29

And so the next thing is how? Number three, how would another person add to that life in a way that you cannot provide for yourself? Okay, so what we're doing right now is now, we talked about what a day in the life of the most authentic version of you is, and this is for the partner that has community and the partner that doesn't. Now we're talking about adding another person. How would someone add something to my life? Here's one thing about me and I'm saying this very humbly but very like in a very authentic manner which I really had to lean into. When it comes to who I am as a person. I and again I'm saying this humbly I'm wealthy, I'm rich. Nothing was given to me.

Defining Your Ideal Daily Life

Speaker 1 23:25

I work really hard, and I say that because, in PMDD relationships, I have to be very strategic as to what it is that you can provide for me. Paying all my bills is not going to be enough for me. I already pay all my bills and then some, and my savings and my investment, my 401k, my Roth and IRA and all the things I don't need you to monetarily provide for me. So we have to look at where's your deficit, where do you need value added to your life? For me, if you come in from a partner's perspective and saying, oh, it's going to be enough if I pay out your bill, it will never be enough, never, never, never be enough.

Speaker 1 24:19

Now I will say, on the opposite side of that, if you do not contribute financially, that is also an issue because there's an imbalance of efforts. Like if I'm living a life where I'm working to pay all of my bills, do all the things, and you're just doing your own thing which is a lot of times what has happened to me in relationships because they come in and they're like oh, you're rich, you can pay all your bills. What do you need me to pay all your bills for? So I'm just going to do my own thing. There's an imbalance because when there's another aspect of the relationship that you're not contributing to, it's kind of like you're zooming out and you're kind of like, well, if you're not contributing monetarily, you're not. You're now not contributing emotionally, you're not contributing spiritually, mentally, like we need to find a way for you and for me, like I've gone through this process and I'm like my client. How would another person add value to your life? How, and the most important way to figure this out is how can someone give you something that you can't already give to yourself? So, like I said, financially because here's what I've seen happen over the years there's a couple that's together One is the PMDD partner, one is the PMDD sufferer.

Speaker 1 25:40

I'm not saying who pays whose bills, but if there's an imbalance where there's one person that pays all the bills and one person that doesn't work and they're not happy in the relationship, the person who doesn't work now finds viable income to be able to pay their bills. They've now been like you know what? I'm going to get a side job, I'm going to get this thing, I'm going to finish my degree, I'm going to do whatever. Then, all of a sudden, they have the monetary income to support themselves. So then they look at you who they're not happy with and they leave the person. They completely leave because they're like. The only reason I was with that person is because they supported the person. They completely leave because they're like. The only reason I was with that person is because they supported me financially and because I wasn't happy in the relationship and I found a way to replace them by supporting myself financially. I don't see the need and suffering in this relationship and being with them. So now all of the value that the partner has provided is now gone, because they're no longer in a place where they're adding value, because you found a way to make your own money and when you make the value that your partner has something that's like money then you're subjected to.

Speaker 1 26:58

If your partner decides to find another income or find somebody else that's willing to pay their bills, then what do you have? What do you have that's going to say I want to be with Sally, or I want to be with Jane, or I want to be with Erica, or I want to be with Sarah. Like, what is it that you're saying? That this person can add value to my life in a way that I can't provide for myself. So when I asked myself the question and my client, I was like, okay, it's not going to be financial, although you cannot be with me and not be financially stable and or borderline wealthy, because I travel a lot.

Speaker 1 27:39

So one of the ways that you could add value is to travel with me. Obviously, I travel with my daughter. I have a lot of friends that I travel with on multiple trips throughout the year, and then I also do solo traveling, but it would be beneficial for me to have a PMDD partner that is able to travel. That would be a way that you can add value. Book us a trip, let's go somewhere, let's do something. I would feel like you're adding value because it's something that I enjoy, it's something that I value. Travel is a part of my lifestyle. If I was going to book a trip which I've done this before I was going to book a trip and then I had a P&D partner that was like oh no, no, I already booked that for us, I already took care of that, we're going to go here. That would be your way of adding value, because it would be replacing the efforts that I would have to give in order to do a thing that adds value to my life because I enjoy it. To do a thing that adds value to my life because I enjoy it.

Speaker 1 28:41

Now, for my client, it was a situation of household chores, right? So this is what I mean by not comparing one lifestyle to another. She wanted to be able to live her life where she was waking up at PMDD and she didn't have to worry about all of the chores in the house because she had misophonia, sensitivity to noise, she had OCD, she wanted things clean but she didn't have the energy in order to clean the things. So there was two things that her partner was able to do that I was able to have a private session with them about and I'm saying, hey, you can either do one or two things and I always give you options. Number one is you can start cleaning the house during her luteal phase so that when she wakes up and she doesn't really have the energy that you're taking that off of her plate, she doesn't have to worry about waking up and being in a messy environment.

Speaker 1 29:38

Or you could monetarily do it with finances and money and you could hire a house cleaner, a housekeeper, which he opted for the second, because he was like I don't have time with my work schedule to be able to make sure that the cleaning is up to standard in a way that's going to add value to her. So he hired a house cleaner that made sure that came once a week, that made sure the house was clean during her luteal phase and eventually it was all the weeks of the month she had someone to come and do like a deep cleaning of all of her house and that was the way that he added value, so that when she got up and took care of the kids they have three kids she got up and took care of the kids. It's not saying that she doesn't do anything, but when he came home from work she was so much more loving because she didn't spend her day chasing around the kids and having to clean the house. She and she knew that the reason that she didn't have to do that was because of him. She was associating that good, relaxing feeling, lowering her nervous system, with what it is that her partner had provided so she in turn, was able to do. One of the most impactful tools that I give to my private clients is lean in and be loving. She was able to lean in and be loving because he had taken something off her plate. So that was number three.

What You Truly Value in Relationships

Speaker 1 31:06

How would another person and I want you to think about this for yourself We've gone from traveling to house cleaning. It doesn't matter what it looks like how would your partner add to the life in a way that you can't provide for yourself? Number four what is? What is it that you truly desire and this is very big with not what society says that you should desire, not. Oh, I desire to be in a partnership, in a marriage, in a relationship, because it looks good for social media or it looks good for my family. What kind of life do you want? Do you want a partner or do you not want a partner? What is it that you truly desire? Do you want to live your life where you're waking up every day and it's just you and you and whoever you choose to add, or do you want to wake up and you have a partner and you have a person that you can talk about all of the aspects of your life and really feel like you don't have to do it for yourself? Ask yourself this question, be really honest with yourself and say what do you truly desire outside of what society and your family is saying that you should desire?

Speaker 1 32:17

When I did this and I was very borderline I was very borderline because all of my friends, people that really know me, know I'm very independent, but there's also this side of me that's so loving that they get to experience, and the loving part is the part that allows me to desire a partnership and a relationship, a companion, like someone to share all of the love that I have. But as far as lifestyle is concerned, I'm very like independent and I don't resent that. I don't not want to be independent, but I want to be independent and still have a partner a companion, I should say, because we already you know, if you haven't listened to that episode, it's when I said I I desire a companion, not really a partner. I don't really need or want to do a lot of the big things in my life, like 50, 50 and all these things Like I don't want to do that, right, I just want a companion that when I go to enjoy the beautiful moments of my life which there's so many of them I go to enjoy the beautiful moments of my life, which there's so many of them, that there's someone there that equally is enjoying their life. Like they need to be on their own journey of enjoying their own life and who they are as a person and allow our relationship to just add to the enjoyment that they already have. Not that they're miserable, and then they want a relationship that makes them un-miserable. They're miserable and then they want a relationship that makes them un-miserable right. So there's a big difference between wanting someone to add to your life and wanting someone to still avoid that you have in your life.

Speaker 1 33:53

I've filled a lot of voids in people's lives because of my people-pleasing tendencies that I've had in the past, that I'm working through and I no longer want to do that. I want someone that's on their own journey, on their own path of living I hate saying cliche, but like living their best life and our relationship is just adding to that, it's not providing that. It's adding to that. So that's what I truly desire. I desire our relationship to add to what you're already building and you're willing to work for on a consistent basis. And then, what do you number five? Yep, it's five. What do you value? Name it in three words. And when I really was working with my client, I could easily name mine in three words Freedom, peace and joy. Those are my three things.

Speaker 1 34:47

I want all kinds of freedom. Physical freedom meaning my health is good. This is why I work on my body and I exercise every single day, because I never want to have physical limitations to what it is that I can do. Like I can get into a situation where I have the freedom financially, but physically my body won't allow it. So it's physical freedom. Financial freedom I don't want to be bound to. Oh, I really want to go here, but I can't afford to go here. So I need financial freedom, freedom in my relationship to be authentically who I am, without the other person getting jealous and insecure and thinking that a lot of what I do has to do with them and not to do with me. I need them to really understand me. And freedom spiritually to be able to practice my faith in a way that they're supportive of it and they're engrossed in it too.

Speaker 1 35:40

Like having a relationship with God is such an important aspect of my life and I've dated individuals with so many different religions. But what I've noticed is, if there's a lot of restrictions within the religion, that it's like you have to do this, you have to do that. That's not freedom. For me, freedom is not religion, it's a relationship. So I want the freedoms to have a relationship with God without it being judged by all of these religious factors. I'm like, oh, like you say that you love God and you go to raves and you dance all night and morning and all the things, like that's religion, that's judgment. I don't want any part of that, because there's so many people that I've met at raves and all the festivals that I go to, that I love on, that I've prayed for that, have become lifelong friends and clients and all of the things, and it has nothing to do with their religion. It has to do with their relationship and just spreading love and peace and joy and harmony and not putting a label on it. And I'm not judging oh, you need to do this.

Speaker 1 36:49

Like I don't lean into spiritually religion. I lean into a relationship with God that provides me with a daily aspect of peace and joy and forgiveness and grace, and knowing that I'm not perfect and I don't ever want to tie myself or connect myself with anything spiritually or with another person, that makes me feel like I need to be perfect. I'm not perfect. I'm great, I'm amazing, I'm all these things, but I'm not perfect. There's always going to be something where I may miss the mark and I don't want to feel judged and condemned because I'm not living up to these bullet point standards. I would never connect myself to that because it's too much pressure and I value freedom and peace. Peace is like right now I literally just felt the breeze here in Mexico.

Speaker 1 37:45

Like peace is this To be able to live in my purpose in a way that's aligned with me, where I don't have to live my life by being rich and feeling like I have to have a billion clients a day and I have to make sure that I do this and I have to be like no, all of my private clients. No, like I have hours, I have times. I'm always going to check in with you, but I'm not going to check in with you in a place where I'm not regulated, where my nervous system is all over the place. How can I really be there for you if I'm not there for myself? So peace is being able to live in my purpose in a way that I'm providing values to everyone else, in a way that's in alignment with me and my daughter, and being able to see her get up in the morning and give me a hug, and it not be like an obligatory, like, oh, I'm waking up in the morning, I have to hug my mom. No, peace is I'm giving my daughter a hug because she wants to hug my mom. No, peace is I'm giving my daughter a hug because she wants to hug me, because she genuinely loves me.

Speaker 1 38:51

And then joy, and that's where the raves come in and the adventurous activities. Yesterday we were just riding a camel. I wrote joy. Okay, so I did. We did three different activities yesterday. We rode a camel, a horse and an ATV and my camel's name was Chilaquiles and Taquito. My daughter had Taquito and I had Chilaquiles those are obviously Mexican terms. They named their animals that. But we had so much joy and it was just fun and it was a product of the efforts of staying in alignment with not only who I am but my daughters and I'm going on a lot of trips, um, over the next couple months and months and months and months, where I'm gonna be with friends and just being able to allow them to have peace and joy and freedom, whatever it is that that looks like. And I'm one of those people where, if you're going to be my friend, you don't have to do what I do, because if I'm in my luteal phase and I'm in PMDD and I'm feeling like I want to just chill by myself and do a spa day, like I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it. I'm not going to feel pressured to do anything that's out of alignment with who I am just to be your friend. That's the freedom, that's the peace and the joy, and that's what I value. So I want you to ask yourself what are your three words? They may be completely different.

Speaker 1 40:24

And the next thing is number six what are the things and people in your life that add to your present desired life? What kind of people and what kind of things add to the life that you desire? My kind of people are the ones that are living authentically as themselves. They're not trying to be anyone else for anyone else, they're just being who they are. And the things are things that add to my freedom, my peace and my joy. Like, I love going to the spa, I love going on my daily walks, I love traveling, I love graves, I love good music, I love people who speak different languages. I'm currently learning Turkish language because I'm going to Turkey. A little bit later, not even a little bit later, probably in like a month and a half I'm going to Greece, I'm going to Turkey, I'm going to Bali and the Maldives. I'm going to a lot of places, but I like to learn the language of the vocals, so just immersing myself in the culture. So those kinds of things add value to my desired life.

Finding Freedom, Peace, and Joy

Speaker 1 41:34

Number seven is what are you missing? And this is really important. What are you missing out of adding all of those other things to your life? Like you're adding all of these things, you're adding the people, you're adding the people, you're adding the things. What are you missing? And there was a period in my life and I think I'm back there now where I don't really feel like I'm missing anything Like meaning my days are filled. Do I have a companion? Do I have a partner right now? No, I go on dates when I'm home. I don't really date when I'm traveling, which my friend said I should, but I kind of have my schedule a little. I don't want to say books, but mapped out. I've only been on a couple of excursion things when I've been traveling, but my focus is not really primarily on that. But when I thought about what am I missing after adding all of these things, what am I missing? And there's only one thing that I could think of. Another, not one, not as if I don't have any, but just another person to add freedom, peace and joy to my life.

Speaker 1 42:53

I love seeing people enjoy life. That's one thing. That I'm a big people watcher not in a creepy way. But that's why I love being on vacation, because there's a place here. It's like a balcony, where you can stand over and watch everybody at the infinity pool and they're just all enjoying life. If I had a person to like have these deep conversations with, like while we're watching people enjoy life, I think that would be great. Just be like, look babe, look how they're enjoying life and like what do you think about this? And just have those kind of talks Like right now I'm sitting on my balcony and there's two chairs here and there was another person that was really just chilling, just really like enjoying the moment. I wouldn't even mind if they were like listening to me, like record a podcast.

Speaker 1 43:40

I thought about that because there was a lot of areas of my business that I used to block off. Like, oh, if I'm doing a podcast, you need to go over there. But I want to be with someone that I feel the freedom, the peace and the joy that if I'm recording a podcast, they could sit in the corner over there and be enjoying the view and just listen, and then I finish recording and we just talk about it. Like that would feel good to me, and not in a critical way, but just in a like hey, that was a good point, or maybe you should add this, or you know, like just being able to be free with another person is what would be missing. And I have that with my friends, I have that with my daughter, I have that with strangers.

Speaker 1 44:33

I just was on a tour yesterday and I saw a little girl and she was with her mom and they were trying to braid her hair on a French braid and her mom was getting frustrated where she didn't really know how how to do it. And the teenager I know all about having a teenage daughter she's like not like this. I went in, like this, and I literally was just like oh, do you want it to where the top of your hand has a part, and then the back is like one big long french braid and it's flat, though, and she's like yes, and she literally sat in between my legs on the tour bus and I braided her hair and her and her mom said thank you. And that's what I mean by like people can have peace and joy and love and all different kinds of situations, but I love being able to do this and I wouldn't have been able to do that for that little girl and her mom, without being a place where I could be free to be myself, if I was like in a dysregulated state and I was like, because I'm in my luteal phase right now, I'm meant to tell you that I'm in my luteal phase. I'm one day.

Speaker 1 45:33

Let me look right now. Let me look right now what day of PMDD I am in count. So I'm on day six of PMDD. I am literally on day six of PMDD and I'm feeling great. Have I had moments of like pushing for energy? Absolutely, but it's hard for the courts, it's expected, and I have the tools to be able to deal with the symptoms as they come up. I will never, never, never, never, never tell you that I do not have PMDD symptoms anymore. I will never, never, never tell you I've healed my PMDD by doing my morning routine or by doing. I've not healed my PMDD. I have premenstrual disc work disorder and I've said this before.

Speaker 1 46:32

Like people who say like, oh, you just need to heal it by doing yoga or breath work, these are tools that can lessen your symptoms, but I've not experienced with myself or my clients a true you don't have it anymore. I still have it. I'm still here, I'm with you, I'm in it with you. I'm not even in a place where I'm trying to be out of it, of curing it. I just want to be real with what it is that I'm experiencing, because you can be disillusional, you can, like be so delusional and be like I don't have PMDD anymore, and your body and your mind is going to fight back and be like, yes, you do, chicken nugget, you have PMDD. Like, stop being delusional, don't? It's a scam. Okay, and so the last thing is number eight. We've talked a lot today.

Speaker 1 47:24

Number eight now, as yourself, how would a partner add to your life in a way that aligns with your desired life? How would a partner add and I think I just went over that for me, but just think about it for you how would a partner add to it? Because this is information that you're going to be able to give to your present partner. Remember, I said you don't have to break up a thing, you don't have to be a different version, but just ask how would a partner add to your life so that you can accurately communicate? So that's whether you're dating.

Creating a Partnership That Adds Value

Speaker 1 47:58

If you're single and you're dating with PMV, you need to be very clear. I don't care if you're dating in person or on the apps. Be very clear. This is the kind of partner that I'm looking for. Don't let it be cookie cutter, because then you're going to end up in this big, this big pond with all of these fish and you're not going to know which one to choose. Be very specific. Hone in specifically For me.

Speaker 1 48:21

How would a partner add to your life?

Speaker 1 48:25

You need to be financially free. I don't. I'm your life. You need to be financially free. I don't. I'm not saying you have to be rich, but I'm saying you cannot be bound to finances, because that's always going to become a problem when it comes to living life with me, because I do a lot of things that are expensive. I'm not like a flashy like if you're watching this on in love with pndv tv on youtube, I'm in a sarong and a bathing suit, like my whole outfit probably cost like 45. So it's not about being flashy. I have a hat on that I got amazon with sparkles. Like this is probably like a 1999. It's not about the persona of what it looks like. It's not about materialisticness for me. For some people it is, and I have a lot of clients where they're requiring a lot of expensive things. Mine is the travel. Travel's not cheap. I don't ever expect it to be. I mean, we're getting on a whole plane Like we're leaving this land and flying to another or a ship or something. We're leaving this land and flying to another or a ship or something. So, financial freedom, flexibility in your schedule. You need to be flexible to be able to travel or be okay with me traveling a lot, which I'm never going to stop doing, and you need to be. I hate this and I'm working through this.

Speaker 1 49:51

I used to think that I needed this like aggressive, get up in the morning, alpha male, but I also, you know, working with my dating mentor. He said you really need somebody that's going to ground you, like you go, go, go, go go. You really need someone that's going to be like chill. And I was like because I thought, cause I thought but I know I I'm leaning into that someone Cause if you are jealous, insecure, anxious, cannot do, anxious, um, questioning things, overthinking, like these are all symptoms that I probably have in PMDD, that I can't probably have in PMDD, that I can't manage myself and you. So just someone that's calm and chill, but not lazy, right, calm and chill, but not lazy, Like I don't need you lying dormant and just waiting for me to do everything, or not really having an opinion.

Speaker 1 50:40

And then someone that just has a relationship with God and they're such like a good person that wants to add value to other people's lives, like I don't even care what you're doing, as you're playing a ukulele like, and you're just providing joy with music. Like an artist person or you're painting or you're or you're a lawyer, like it doesn't matter what it is. I just want you to be so confident in your abilities to providing purpose to other people and just genuinely being a good person, because I feel like when you're in a relationship, your partner is a representation of you and I never want to again present another person to other people. That's not fully in alignment with my values. Like I have a lot of different kinds of groups of friends, but I want to feel like if I'm with a person, that you get the same vibe from them, meaning they're a good person, they have my back, they're going to be open and honest and have integrity. They're not going to judge, they're not going to be super critical Like I don't do that.

Speaker 1 51:47

So that's the ways that a partner would add value to my life, and I want you to ask yourself that question, and I hope that you enjoyed today's episode of just diving deep into what is most aligned with you and your desired partner. So this is eight simple steps to discovering your desired entity, partner. If this is something that you know that you need help with and you're like Dr Rose, I want to do a deep dive on this, remember you can always get my monthly sessions where we really uncover this while you're in your present relationship, or if you're dating and you're looking for a partner. Either one, I am here for you. I am going to go finish enjoying Mexico with my daughter and the rest of the Mexican citizens here who got this. I love you.