Unmet Needs In A PMDD Relationship

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What if the biggest fights in your PMDD relationship aren’t about love at all, but about invisible rules no one agreed to? We dig into the quiet power of expectations—how they form, why they go unmet, and how to rebuild them so both partners feel seen and safe. From childhood habits of pretending to adult patterns of painting red flags green, we trace how fantasy keeps resentment alive and then replace it with a practical plan for clarity and connection.

I share the season of stepping back from dating, traveling for reflection, and designing a life that actually lights me up. That shift didn’t erase PMDD, but it softened symptoms and cut stress, which changed everything at home. We talk about aligning expectations with who you both truly are—free spirit or homebody, planner or improviser—so you stop negotiating with reality. You’ll learn daily capacity check-ins, how to turn unspoken “ifs” into clear requests, and why mind reading is the fastest route to bitterness.

We also challenge common myths: your partner can’t fix PMDD, emotional consistency won’t be identical every week, and recovery after bleeding isn’t instant. Instead, we build small, sustainable rituals of care and repair: asking what’s needed today, naming limits without shame, and letting intimacy ebb and flow without making it mean rejection. If you’re ready to replace emotional landmines with agreements that hold steady across the cycle, this conversation is your roadmap.

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with someone who needs it today, and leave a quick review so more PMDD couples can find these tools. Your words help others feel less alone.

Transcript

Naming Unmet Expectations In PMDD Love

Travel, Reflection, And Pausing Dating

Childhood Roots Of Pretending And People‑Pleasing

Repositioning People Instead Of Cutting Ties

Self‑Discovery And Living What Lights You Up

Travel As Fuel And A PMDD Symptom Shift

Choosing Relationship While Honoring Desire

Emotional Landmines: When Expectations Clash

Expecting Partners To Fix PMDD

Emotional Swings, Communication, And Capacity

Aligning Expectations With Core Personality

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Today, we are going to talk about unmet expectations in your PMDD relationship. And I really am excited to talk about this because it's something that I've been dealing with a lot with my private clients and then also personally, because when you really think about expectations when you enter into a relationship, a lot of times they are unspoken and they change over time. What I've noticed is when there's a cycle of arguments and fights, it's because someone's needs aren't getting met. It's because someone's expectations are not getting met. And then all of a sudden there's a lot of bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. So I am back. I just got back from Greece and Turkey. I just went on a trip that was 11 days, and I took a lot of time for reflection because during this time I actually decided that I was not going to actively date. Because you can't expect your partner that is, you know, committed to you to be the same thing as someone that you're dating. So what I have to do in this situation is manage my expectations for the person that I am getting to know. And I will admit that that's been hard for me because I've really gotten into the realm of knowing very early on what it is that I want. But then I get into this realm of, okay, what is it that I can expect from this person that's gonna align with what it is that I want, what it is that I need, and then what happens when they don't meet my expectations. So for me, it's a it's a bit of a trigger because I went through a lot of childhood trauma and I had a lot of expectations of what my parental relationships were supposed to look like. And then when it came to the reality of it, they didn't meet those expectations. So what I began to do is paint the red flags green. I began to make excuses and say, oh, they were really meeting my expectations because they did this and they did that. And I got into the realm of really living in a false reality, really disassociating from what was really going on and living in fantasy land and making up excuses just so that I could accept people that I wanted in my life. And I knew that if I did that in my early years, I had the propensity to do it in relationships. So that's where my cycle started, where I would look at the expectations of what I thought someone was supposed to be in a relationship parental-wise. So I'm gonna start from the beginning. Parental-wise, I felt that, you know, a parent should be attentive, they should be nurturing, they should be communicative, they should be forgiving, they should be loving, all of these things. And what I was met with was the opposite of that. And so I began to get this reality in my mind that if I expected an individual to do these things and they didn't do them, they didn't meet my expectations, what was the repercussion? I would say, okay, so I can't be connected to you, you can't be in my life because you did these things. And then I realized if I did that, looking around, no one would be left. No one in my life as a child was in the place of meeting the expectations of what I felt like they should be in a relationship. And so I began to develop this kind of false reality of okay, they're not gonna be what it is that I need them or want them to be. So I'm just gonna pretend. And I began pretending as a child, pretending that my father was the most loving father, even though he wasn't there, pretending like my mother was the most nurturing mother even though she wasn't. And I pretended so long until one day I really woke up to the reality of the situation where I felt like I was pressuring those individuals to be a version of themselves that they didn't even want to be. I remember I would be the one as a child because I was in foster care and I was adopted. And when I left my home, like I would be the one sending birthday cards, I would be the one sending anniversary cards, I would be the one sending Christmas cards, all of these things. And I remember one year I really thought about it like I'm not getting any cards in return. I'm not getting anything in return. And so I did this test. I said, I'm gonna go one year of not sending all of these birthday cards, these anniversary cards, and all of these things and see what happens in return. Are they gonna reach out to me? Are they gonna reciprocate? And it never happened. And I never looked back and I never did those things again because I realized if someone doesn't meet my expectations, then that doesn't necessarily mean that I need to throw the whole person away. I just need to reevaluate the position that they have in my life. Because a lot of times when you put people in a certain position to provide for you, to pour into you, to be your partner, and they don't meet those expectations, there's a lot of bitterness, there's a lot of resentment, there's a lot of unforgiveness. And I didn't want that to be a thing. And so moving forward, when I went on this trip and I and I said, you know, I am going to want to date again. I am just in a place where I want to intentionally date in a way that I'm clear on what my expectations are for being with me, because I truly believe that your expectations in your relationship are your own. What you require and what you expect is what you expect. What I expect is what I expect. And the best way to really recognize the expectations that you should have in your relationship is to think about how you want to live your life alone. Because once you realize the things that you like and you love, and you go on this, and I know it sounds so cliche, but you go on this journey of self-love and you really recognize what lights you up. That's what I did this past year. I just did all of the things that lit me up. I went to Raves, I went to church and I served in church and I started doing, you know, teaching group therapy and I started serving my clients on a more intimate and intentional basis. And um when I and I traveled more, I traveled very often, you know, back in the day, I used to say, Oh, I want to go to a trip on Christmas, I want to go to a trip on New Year. But then I realized I don't really like traveling around the holidays. I think it's too chaotic, I think it's too, you're prone to have all of these mistakes, it's too stressful. And so when I began to live the life that I desired and deserved, DD, which is one of my tools that I use with my clients, is I was living out what I desired and deserved, and in expectation that whoever that I would meet would meet me where I was, living the life that I desired and deserved. But you never can get to that point until you take the first step of orchestrating and getting really clear on what that looks like. A lot of things that I thought I wanted to do, I didn't really want to do anymore. And I'm very much a customized person. Meaning, if you're my private client, you know this. I'm always checking in with where I am personally, and then I'll decide the tool that I need to use that coincides with where I am. And so in this particular circumstance, I was meeting myself where I was every single day. And I got this big calendar and it mapped out the whole year, but I had the ability with these dry erased markers to really map out what I wanted not just my day to look like, not just my week to look like, what I wanted my month to look like, what I wanted my year to look like. And this has been one of the most amazing years of my life because it's been my year of coming home to myself. So I'm so clear of what my expectations are because I know where I want to be, what kind of life that I want to live. So this particular year, I have traveled every single month of the year. Back in the day, meaning last year, and then, you know, I traveled, I would say like two to three times, like every other month, and you know, or every couple of months. But this year I said, you know, traveling for me is something that really refuels me. It lights me up, it makes me so happy. Um, and I get so clear on the way that I serve my clients, the way that I do my business. And so I'm like, it's really productive for all aspects of my life. And why limit it to just one time a year or twice a year? That for me is like saying that you really love this food, this steak. Say you like a ribeye, which is my favorite steak, by the way. You really like a ribeye, and someone tells you you can only have a ribeye twice a year. You would be like, I want a ribeye every single day. And so for me, what I decided is the life that I desire and deserve is one that fits into what lights me up. So I had to get really clear and I had to remove a lot of things and I added in a lot of things. And I didn't allow myself to feel guilty about what that looks like. So when it comes to premenstrual dysphoric disorder, I noticed that when I was living the life that I desire and deserved, my symptoms were lessened because there wasn't a lot of stress. So when I would go on these trips and I would be able to wake up when I wanted to wake up and do what I wanted to do, like I didn't have a lot of stress. I didn't have a lot of anxiety, therefore, my symptoms were subsided. They were, they were lower. And I'm always, you know, matched with the question of Dr. Rhodes, what do you take for your premenstrual dysphoric disorder? What do you take for your PMDD? And they're always asking me to give you a supplement so you can compare. And I get that's a lot of times what we do in the community, but I will say that the biggest prescription that I have that has worked for me is to live the life that you desire and deserve, to live in a way that lights you up, because it's kind of impossible to have a lot of these symptoms while you're in that state. And I'm not saying that you're not gonna feel them because I I've there's been times where I felt them, but the focus has not been on them. So that's the difference that I noticed. I can have misophonia sensitivity to noise, I can have night sweats, I can, you know, have the anxiety, I can have the depression, I can have all that. But when I'm living the life that I desire and deserve, it just doesn't matter, it doesn't hit as hard as when it does, is when I'm just living this monotonous lifestyle. And again, the traveling lifestyle, the getting away lifestyle is not for everybody. I'm just giving you my personal experience and my discovery. Because it took me a while to figure out what it is that I actually wanted to do because I was so used to being with partners and figuring out what they wanted to do and leaning into that. And ironically, when I decided to take a break from dating, I really didn't want to because dating makes me happy. I love going on QC dates. I love affection. I'm a lover girl, hence what it is that I do. I love connecting individuals, I love repairing individuals, I love seeing individuals get this type of relationship and this type of treatment and this type of connection that they desire and deserve. And so when you have premisal destructive order, I don't feel like you should be exempt from that. And I know a lot of times you're thinking, oh, I should just be single. I would be so much better on my own. And I was even in that realm and I was tempted to have that mentality. But then I thought about it. I'm like, but who's gonna be affectionate with me? Who's going to love me? Who's going to care about me? Who's going to ask me, you know, what I ate for breakfast? Who's going to do like the little things? It's like you can put up a front and say that you don't want these things. But if that was the case, you would have never been in a relationship in the beginning. Because people that want to be single, they're very singular and they're kind of like in their own little world. If you're listening to this podcast in love with PMDD, at some point you were in love with someone who has PMDD or you have PMDD and you decided to be in the relationship. So what I always say is your desires don't go anyway. Even if you stuff them down and pretend like you don't want them, like, I'm fine on my own, and I'll be fine, I'll be better off, and all these things. You can tell yourself that lie, but at the end of the day, your desires are always going to come to the surface. And I just had to be really honest with myself, really honest, really transparent, really vulnerable with myself, you know, as I went on this trip. And I was like, what are my expectations for someone now that I've taken a break of dating? What are the expectations that I have of someone to come into my life? And I had to really think about that because when PMDD comes and you have these expectations of what your partner is or the person that you're dating is supposed to do, they they become like emotional landmines, meaning every single time that they don't do the things that you expect, you start to feel unappreciated, you start to feel unloved, and you start to feel unheard. And basically, what it is, it's a clash between what they're actually doing and what you're experiencing. So when you have PMDD, you can take what someone else is doing and distort it into the negative view. PMDD is very negative, PMDD is not your friend. I know there's so many people that are saying, I embrace it, and it's just showing me things that I need to see. And no, PMDD is evil because the state that it will put you in, if you allow it to take the wheel, is very detrimental for your mental, physical, emotional health, and especially the health of your partner. And so I'm going to talk to you today about some of the ways that you can really recognize what the expectations are that you have in your PMDD relationship. And the first thing is, you can be expecting your partner to fix their PMDD. I have had partners that have said, oh, if you just pretend like you don't have it, you won't have it. And I pretended like I didn't have it, I still had it. And then I felt horrible for still having it. Like it was like, why did I even go through the motions of going through that state of denial? But they felt like they could snap me out of it. And a lot of partners may feel like that. They may feel like I can snap you out of it. And at any point, you know, you'll come back to me. It's like that, the movie, The Notebook, where he read to her and then she came back to him. That's how some partners are. They feel like they need to provoke you, they need to say something, they need to do something. And then all of a sudden, you're gonna come back the same way that you are in your Ludio phase. So when this really leads to a breakup, and that's what I'm gonna lead into when you have these unmet expectations and it leads to a breakup, the sufferer expects their partner to make the symptoms go away or always say the right things, and then the partner feels helpless or blamed. So there's this responsibility that the person that is suffering with PMDD has like, you don't have premenstrual dysphoric disorder symptoms, you don't have PMD symptoms, you can help me, you can take the kids, you can pay the bills, you can do all this. And there's this level of entitlement to where even if the partner initially starts to do it, they're gonna get bitter and they're gonna get resentful and there's gonna be unforgiveness. Right. So, what I want you to recognize is when you're expecting your partner to fix your PMDD to make it better, and then almost getting mad at them because they're not doing that, it's gonna destroy your relationship because no one wants to live in the land of being the bad guy. It's a feeling that someone has when they're in pain and you're the one that caused it. And they have to sit with that. There's nothing that they can do to fix it, they just have to sit with that. And so the next thing that you can have as far as expectations are concerned is expecting emotional consistency during every phase of the cycle. So basically, when you get to this point, your partner is in the realm of, I don't have a cycle. Or if they're same sex, you know, maybe they have a cycle, but it's not as severe as PMDD, they don't have all of the symptoms. So when you're talking to them about, you know, oh, why are you acting this way and it's feeling different or the vibe is off, that's when partners are taking emotional changes personally, saying things like you loved me last week, but now you don't. And so what I want you to recognize in this is this is a projection. If your partner is saying things like this, it's because that's how they're truly feeling. That doesn't mean that you have to react to everything that your partner is saying. Because when they're expecting certain things and they're not getting them, you need to let it out. Let them, you know, say what they need to say, do what they need to do. There's no need to shut them up, but it's just a matter of okay, that's how you feel. I'm not thinking that you don't still want to be with someone because you have certain expectations that they're not meeting, it's it just leads into the next thing, which is communication. A lot of times, you know, P and D D partners and sufferers can expect communication to be the same every week. So if you're the person that has deep conversations and all of these things, um, when you when you're in your good days, then when you get in your Louya phase, you may want to shrink, you may want to be a hermit, you may not want to go out, you may not want to be social. And that's okay. You you're never required to be at a certain level all the time. And I think it's a very dangerous thing for partners to connect in a way that they that is not sustainable long term. Meaning, and I've been in a relationship like this where we were always good on vacation. As long as we stayed on vacation, we were good. As soon as we got in the house and we were doing the day-to-day life, it didn't work. We we were not compatible. So it was a very weird situation where we were compatible on vacation, but we were not compatible being at home and doing the daily lifestyle. So one of my expectations began to be is can I live with you? Can we do the day-to-day things and be on the same page or a page or willing to flip the page together? Because I didn't ask that because I automatically assumed that if you love a person enough, of course you're gonna be willing to shift and change a couple of things. But then I realized from dealing with you know my exes that some people are just not gonna change. They're kind of like, this is who I am. And so your expectations need to meet my the reality of who I am. That's what it is. Your expectations of me need to meet the reality of who I am at my core. If there's a disconnect with that, you're gonna have a disconnect in your relationship. And what I mean by that is if I'm a free-spirited person and I like to be free and I like to be adventurous and I like to go out and dance and I like to be active and I like to be an extrovert and I like to socialize, your expectations of me should live within the realms of who I am, those things that I just mentioned. If you're expecting me to stay at home every night, if you're expecting me to not go anywhere, not go on a trip, go on one trip a year, we're not gonna be aligned. We are not gonna be aligned because one or two things is gonna happen. I'm either gonna give in to what it is that you want and become bitter and resentful for not being able to do the things that light me up. Or number two, I'm just gonna continue to do what it is that lights me up. And then you're gonna get bitter as a partner and resentful and unforgiving because I'm not doing the things that you're expecting. So I think it's so important, not just early on to communicate your expectations. I would really, if I was in a relationship, I would do it daily. And I wouldn't make it into this long, drawn-out process, but on a daily basis, I would be asking my partner, you know, what is it that you need for me today? What is it that you're expecting? And I would say it in a way where it's, you know, obviously in alignment, like it's the way that we would normally talk to not make it super awkward that I'm asking this super serious question. But what is the point of me operating in the best version of myself, but it's not landing with you? When you have unmet expectations, that means you could be working in an area that your partner doesn't even need you to be working in. Like you could be doing the laundry, making sure the house is clean, having a cooked meal. When all your partner really wants is a hug. So you don't understand that your partner has unmet expectations because you're operating outside of the realm of what it is that they expect. You're assuming that they expect to have a clean house and they expect to have food on the table and expect to do this and this and this. But have you actually had a conversation where they said to you, this is what I'm expecting of you? If you've not had that conversation, then you're automatically operating within the realms of your own expectations. You're assuming that your partner wants what it is that you want. But expecting communication to be the same every week when you're in your Ludeal phase, when your partner's in PMDD, it's just, it's not gonna happen. Because even if there's one week in PMDD where they might be very open and you're like, wow, everything's just changing, the next week might be completely different. So I need you to be prepared for that because I feel like the hope is lost even more when you really think, oh, I'm expecting it to be this way, and then it really becomes this way. Like, be honest about what it is that your partner is saying they're they have the capacity to provide for this relationship. What is the capacity that you have to provide for this relationship? What is the what is the capacity that you have to come provide for me today? Like if your partner has something going on and they want to call you, do you have the capacity to stop what you're doing and be there? Or are you gonna say, oh, I'm no, I'm too busy? Like, are you that person? What kind of person are you as far as understanding your character? Are you a nurturer? Are you an empath? Are you more disassociated and more motivating? Like this is a matter of expecting from your partner what it is that they are. Think about the labels. If you had to describe your partner to someone else, what how would you describe them? Whatever it is that you would say about your partner is stating who it is that they are at their core. So if you're expecting something that's outside of the realm of that, it's gonna be a problem. And then the next way that you're basically expecting things in your PMDD relationship that may or may not be met, having expectations that may or may not be met, it's expecting intimacy to stay constant. So physical and emotional fluctuation may get you to the point where if your partner doesn't want to have sex, if they don't want to be intimate, if they don't want to hold your hand, then it causes rejection. It causes bitterness, it causes resentment, they feel shame, they feel like, oh my gosh, they don't want to be with me. You know, I've had clients that say, forget if my partner loves me. I don't even think that they like me. And they didn't think that they liked them, not because they didn't really like them, but because the level of expectation that they had. It was an if. And I want you to ask yourself, do you have that? If they love me, they would. If they cared about me, they would. When you place if on it, you're placing a condition. I'm telling you what loving me looks like, and you need to fall in line with that. And if you're with a person that doesn't know your if, they don't know what you're thinking in your mind, like, oh, like acts of service. If they do this for me, I'll know that they they love me. Does your partner know that? Do they know that you would react that way if they were to do that? So a lot of times you have these unmet expectations because you're not really bold enough to ask for what it is that you want. I don't know what the fear is. If you fear that they're just not going to give it to you, if you fear that it's gonna turn into an argument and all these other things are growing up. But there's a level of fear that a lot of partners and sufferers have with communicating with their partner what it is that they exactly want. And I, and it's like that saying a closed mouth doesn't get fed if you don't tell your partner what your expectations are, when you're not in a state of frustration for them not meeting your expectations, but just when you're in a place of saying, you know what, I think that I need this, I need more communication, or I need more of this. When you get to a point where you're being open and honest about what it is that you need, then you're in a position for someone to give it to you. Because if someone says, okay, I'm coming into your life and I'm and I'm wanting to pour into you, what can I do? And you're sitting there like, I don't know. I don't know what it is that I want you to do. You're delaying them from connecting with you, which means you could potentially lose them. Because no one's going to sit on the sidelines while you figure out what it is that you need, to be completely honest. They're going to think that you need more time to find yourself. And maybe that is the case. But um, the next expectation is one of the biggest triggers that I have, which is expecting instant recovery after the period starts, after everything's lifted, there's no more symptoms, and then you're expected to just go back to normal. And the thing about that is you can do that for a couple months, where oh, we had a rough month, we're going to go on vacation, and then now we're good. It's not sustainable long term because at some point you want to have a place to live where when you, you know, you go and you put your bags down and you get settled. You want to know that you have that. And so it goes into the next expectations. Expecting your partner to read your mind. This is so common because PMDD suffers will expect their partners to just know what to do, leading to resentment when they don't. This is why I created the course. My partner has PMDD Now What? If you haven't gotten that, if your partner hasn't gotten that, please keep checking my website because the Black Friday, so it's going to come up really early, about the first week of November, so that you can get, you know, that book. Because basically, it's very common to expect your partner to read your mind. You're just saying, like, oh, you should just know what it is that I need. You know, I need you to do this. I couldn't do it. You saw that it wasn't done. Why do I need to be the one to actually tell you? And I think there's a lot of unpacking to do with that because you have to communicate what it is that you want. You have to communicate what it is that you need. Your partner is never going to be able to fully articulate and understand what you need in any given moment. They may know these notice these patterns, they may study you to the best of their ability, but they're not going to know what it is that you need from the inside out until you communicate what it is. And that goes into the check-in, the daily check-in. Because if you send it, if they're good with text messages, for example, and then you're like, oh, I'm gone, but I'm going to send them the text message and they're good with it. You guys can go two, three weeks in the great. If someone is used to being in your presence and the use of FaceTime, then all of a sudden the expectation is I want to see you every day. I want to be able to pick up my phone and see you. I don't just want to call you. I'm going to see you. And it's coming from a genuine and a kind place. And I think a lot of times you need to recognize what is my partner expecting and why. Why are they expecting me to do this? Why are they expecting me to do that? Why are they not expecting me to do that? Because when you begin to be more curious, it puts you in a place where you're not judging what the other person is doing or not doing. You're just saying, I'm willing to live in my own lane. And if someone is going to come into my life, they need to meet me where I'm at. And I used to think that that was so selfish and so self-centered. And oh my gosh, I can never say that. But now I really feel like that. You know how individuals say, like, um, I'm the prize. I don't feel like I'm the prize, but I do feel like, well, I'm not not the prize, but I just feel like I am worth the effort that it would take to meet me where I am. I'm it's giving L'Oreal, I'm worth it. And so what I learned on this trip is everything that I'm expecting, I need to hold a strong boundary on these are the things that I want. These are the things that I need. And if I'm not giving them, that's a problem. I'm not, I'm no longer gonna stay in a situation where my expectations don't meet someone else's capabilities. And someone else's reality. So if I tell you I'm expecting these things and you're telling me, oh, I can't do that, or one day or blah, blah, blah, okay, you've told me enough. Because I think that so many times people have stayed in a relationship when they've seen all of these red flags, they've seen that they're not in a place of getting fulfilled. They've seen that they're not in a place of getting their needs met. And they're just still so loyal to the situation that they're willing to stay in it. That was me. I was trying to like fix it up and like, oh, it's not that bad. And I would be taking these pictures and I'm smiling and I'm looking back at them now. And I I smile differently now that I'm healed. Um, and I noticed what I was trying to do. My expectations weren't getting met. So what I did was I created another scenario in my mind. And then I was just like, do, do, do, do. And it, you know, it happened like that. But I feel like it's very common for you to disassociate and create a picture in your mind of how you think things are going to be because your needs aren't met, because you want to be able to stay with your person. These are for the individuals mostly that don't want to break up. They want to stay connected. And in order to stay connected, they have to pretend that their partner is doing something that they're genuinely not doing. Oh, of course, they're meeting my expectation. They're just taking a little nap, you know, blah, blah. They're asleep, they're gone. And you want to be outside. You want to be an extroverted person. You want to go to the club, you want to go to the lounge, you want to go to the bar, you want to do all this. And yet you're feeling like you're waiting, not feeling like, but your reality of it is that you're waiting for someone to meet you in the place of being an extrovert. Because I, what I know is for me is I am an extrovert. Um, and I always used to think, oh, I need an introvert to be with because they'll be, they'll calm me down and blah, blah, blah. But then I realized I have this unique duality of my personality where I can be, you know, what I call bippity bopping around, and I can be dancing like I was on the cruise ship and be free. But then also I have this structure side of me where I have this calendar on the wall and it's B-A-S-S calendar, and it basically maps out my whole year. And I just sit and look at it sometime because my days are all booked up and they're all busy, and I love it that way. Whenever there's a free day, I try to find a way to plug something in there. You know how to plug, you know, things of rest. I want to go do something. Like I want to go to the spot. I don't want to just sit and do nothing. And so it took me this time after the breakup of really recognizing not just what I expect, but who I am, who I am as a person, what it is that I'm willing to bring to the table, what it is that I'm not willing, and just deciding. And it's just very um impactful for me to be going through this extensive period of like getting to know someone. I don't think I've ever done this to this extent, but it was basically so we could manage each other's expectations. If I connect to you, because we're still getting to know each other. It's like it's still in that trial and error period where you could return it and not have a penalty. But you just asked, like, if you know what it is that I have is not what you need, are you willing to throw me back in the seat, or are you just kind of gonna leave me for comfortability's sake? Like that's a very serious question. And so I think um the next way is you're expecting stability in arguments. Partners may say, oh, you need to calm down, or oh, you need to do this. And it's like they may be so deep in rage that they do not have the ability to do so. Think about if you saw someone have a seizure and you're like, oh, you just need to calm down. It's like, no, it's not that they need to calm down, there's something going on under the surface. And then the next thing is expecting perfection on non-PMDD days. So for an individual who has PMDD, I know for sure I've been in this place of trying to make, you know, my days that I'm in my follicular phase that are that are just the best. And I it it really does depend on the person. It was an epic feel for me, but I really do believe that someone could benefit from that. And someone has, you know, he's remarried. And so hopefully that's something that she likes because I just genuinely feel like I didn't expect to receive um a lot of things. I expected emotional connection, intimacy, um, consistency, um, responsibility, like all of these things. That's what I was expecting, but I had to recognize that within myself. So if someone's offering me something different, it's like, oh no, thank you. Oh, you don't have the, you don't have that, okay, you don't have the emotional intelligence to be able to look at a situation and really zoom out for a little bit. Like that's a uh an expectation that I have that we're not just popping off at each other, that we're literally taking time to analyze the situation and whatever that looks like for the both of us. Um, if I ever enter into a relationship, these are expectations that I really believe that I need to communicate because when you have PMDD, you don't have the luxury of communicating these things because it's gonna come off wrong. It's gonna be like, you didn't do this and you didn't do that. So hopefully you're in your luteal phase right now, you're an ovulation and you're taking notes and you're really listening because the best changes that you could make in your relationships, they start, they can start in the luteal phase because it's gonna bring up something. So that's step one. Something has to be activated. Step two, you have time to process it. And with me, you know, I've I've literally just talked it through, had pretty much talked therapy, and then felt good on the other side, but I wouldn't be in the same state with my partner if I hadn't have done that or a partner that I was gonna have. Like it's very important that I'm staying in alignment, but the fulfillment needs to be there in the sense of if we are trying to expect perfection on non-PMDD days, and you're believing that you know hopelessness is gonna set in because even though you're in your good days, you're thinking about your bad days because you're like, oh, this is so great. It's almost gonna be like a bigger drop, like a roller coaster, than it was before. And so the next expectation is you could be expecting love to feel the same in every cycle. I know for me, when I was in a place that I didn't really want to be touched because of my misophonia, which is my sensitivity to noise that I get during PMDD, I um just started to vocalize it, you know, and say it because I didn't want someone to come in for a hug or blah, blah, blah. I would just say, I just need a moment. And I would take a moment in a place where I knew no one was gonna hug me or, you know, pay attention to me. Um and I did that so that I wouldn't be in the situation where, you know, we just got on this fight, we just got in this argument, we're not seeing eye to eye, and then now we're gonna be sleeping in the same room together. And so what I want you to know from this episode is that all emotional shifts are are cyclical when you have PMDD. They're not, they're not facts, they're feelings, they're not facts. And so I want you to be in a place where you're so um compatible with the person that you're with and your expectations are met that you can they can love you where you know you are, and you can do the same for them. And it when I feel like when it's a continuous journey of both of you are pouring into each other, then that's something that you can work through because you're both pouring into each other. Your expectations, you're asking them what their expectations are for today. You're asking them, oh, you I saw you had this on the calendar. What are your expectations? Ask and don't assume. Okay, until next time. We got this. I love you.